deep gratitude…

December 31, 2006

Saille has written to us at our Yahoo group to say that she is well and that she will return to Vancouver on January 17th, in time to reconnect with Dharmavidya and Prasada (the Braziers) at their workshop on January 27th. Anyone who has not yet joined our Yahoo group can read Saille’s message here.

hello dear ones,

well, i am well… AND it is so so so refreshing and
relieving to say that! to look at me now you’d never
get a sense of what you all know i have had to endure
over the last year. ah, the tremendously innately
intelligent and rejuvenating powers of body and
spirit, as well as the incredible amount of love that
came my way and went from my heart throughout this so
very challenging year! oh, and i have very curly dark
brown hair – touche!

and…

as they say in quantum physics, when an open living
system becomes so severely disturbed, it will cease to
exist, and over time, will self-organize to a higher
level of complexity, a new form of itself that can
deal better with the present. now, you are probably
asking what is this saille girl going on about?! well,
this is the best explanation i can give to you for
what i am currently experiencing. although i am very
well indeed, i simply cannot recognize myself as i was
and feel a deep sense of loss of meaning. oh, yes, the
saillest of saille’s essence is still there, but the
internal references of ‘me-ness’ i no longer am
familiar with and what used to have meaning or what i
used to value seems somewhat disorientated. i feel so
utter changed from the inside out that it will take a
while before i can come to understand what it is that
i am made up of. i am not simply talking about ways in
which we create identifies (most of those are long
gone for me). i am talking about the very basic ways
in which we reference ourselves in relation to
others… my experience is that the references (that i
didn’t even know that i had) are now either redundant,
misplaced or missing, changed, or non-existent! and it
seems that only through living each day with an open
curosity noticing my responses to things am i coming
to know what my new references are. strange process
and even stranger to be living fully. how long this
process goes on for i don’t know. it is both exciting
and unnerving and i am also quite aware that i do not
necessary want to fill up my ‘being’ with so many new
references that i become, once again, very solid and
immoveable as a ‘self’. i would truly like to remain
an open living system adaptable, fluid and curious to
the world around me. guess we’ll see, ha!

and so, i am now back at my parent’s home in ontario
after a wonderful and enriching time in saskatoon with
my dear friends laurel and forrest. i will remain here
until january 17th for a wintery seasonal joyful
living with family. i will then finally be heading
back to vancouver (a mere year later than planned) to
see much missed friends and community, dharmavidya and
prasada, and to feel out what the next step is… ???
for those of you in vancouver, i’ll be letting you
know how to get in touch with me when i know. i so
look forward to giving each of you a big saille hug!

and i find myself in such deep deep gratitude these
days for all the love that has ceaselessly come my way
from each of you, for the deepen of many friendships
and relationships, and for all that i have learned…
thank you dear ones. thank you for being part of my
life. i simply would not have made it through this
year without you! and so, many best wishes to you each
over the winter season… happy winter soltice, the
longest night of the year as we wait upon the
returning sun; a time of germination and gestation,
setting our intentions for future actions… may we
each find peace upon this shared earth of ours. and
may we plant the seeds of peace to those who are not
yet able to plant their own garden. many blessings,
your saille

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One Response to “deep gratitude…”

  1. Dharmavidya Says:

    See you soon Saille – and everybody else at BPF in Vancouver. We are having a very successful and rewarding visit to Hawaii, by the way. Namo Amida Bu


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